Counterclockwise Smashing, Scientific BJs, and Half-Staff Flags.

So much to write about. So little of it worth writing.

If you asked me the top three ways I thought I might die, black hole would not have made the short list. Long list, sure. Not top three. Running from cops was number 2. I'd like to think that death by black hole is just like a gentle floating and Criminal could pat my arm and we'd fall asleep. But he says it would probably be like omg the ripping omg. And I bet you a hundred dollars its more like omg the pressure omg omg I can't breathe omg. More like a hundred euro bet but you know what? Fuck euros. Fuck blue ray. Fuck hurricane (y)ike. Contraflowing motherfucker.

I solved the whole doomsday problem, btw, in a secret formula which I will now reveal to you to be:

e=mc^2^n where n = some quanta value of faith plus medicine plus magic plus a secret constant, which I will also reveal to you now to be 8.

Plz fwd this on to CERN and tell them I get a split of the monetary reward when they find the left testicle of Jesus in their researches.

Also, a mad shout out to 9/11. Keep on reminding us why we went to war with Iraq and why we will never go to war with Pakistan, who stands shoulder to shoulder with us against terrorists.