A Cheaper, Easier Malaria Pill (Deux Ex Machina)

HP, don't do me like that. And Jaguar? Goes double for you. Not that anyone owes a goddamn thing to anyone else, just ask my dad, the double-edged melee master of the exception-proving rule: the guilt-stricken parents of fucked up kids, and, upon further reflection, maybe that Wal-mart checker whose swallowed tongue I fished out of her trachea with a blue Bic pen. Not that I go there anymore: no, I make too much money to shop there. But not too much to steal from there. Look, my hostile readers, I have shit to do, like quit having cancer and comparison shop for technologies and eat Chinese takeout (deep six the dog); I don't have time to be your hero. Instead, you should just go eat a cookie with a cause.