Fucked By Leap Year (But Not By My Husband)

But it's okay, I'll just be over here: masturbating over my ATM slips. Because being an appraiser is good; but being born good is better, which is to say, born well, which is to say well-bred. My old friend, who came from the same stock as me, would say, "If you would be my wife, I would never let you down. If you would give me children, they would run the world." One day I finally said, "But I don't do drugs. And I think that would prove to be prohibitive to you." And then I hung up the telephone and it would be the last time I would speak to him because, several days later, on March 21st:

he couldn't get enough cocaine
he couldn't get enough heroin
he couldn't get enough control
he couldn't get enough
he died from an overdose