MightySatiety

Po' little babies. Tell me in great detail, what was it like growing up with a daddy that was a vampire and a momma that was a social klepto? Everyone should be so lucky and I am being completely sincere but sometimes I do think someone should just stitch my jaws together. Oh, wait. I do disclaim: the characters portrayed in this false advertisement are penniless actors. I think the worst part of being human is wanting conflicting things like: you to get your way and them to get theirs. Simian sex and anglerfish monogamy. Vaginal and anal and oral. And sometimes, you don't have to choose. Like, what if you're really hungry for yogurt but, unfortunately, you also have an equally strong desire to suck your food from a plastic tube? This Go-Gurt's on me. You should stick with me, Criminal, because some day I'm gonna have a real nice house and a real safe car and an enormous life insurance policy with you listed as the beneficiary. Or the co-insured. I haven't decided yet.

And I am not being hyperbolic when I say that the non-girlfriends of the world have the massively unfair advantage of being mostly anonymous. Luckily, he believes everyone is boring, after awhile.