Super And Natural (Being + Nothing = Becoming)

I fell in love with the institution but ultimately lost respect for the whole industry. See? Sick. Scared? Stuck. Like getting high at the bus stop, hitching a ride with the devil, getting nauseated in the backseat: and now the windows won't roll down.

He wants to have a baby with me and I want to marry him and I'm sure we'll strike a mutually beneficial deal in the very near soon; or we won't, and we'll just use special lube,

And he'll continue be:

• the secret apple of my eye
• my shut-up boy
• the criminal to my terrorist
  

And I'll continue to be:

• the sweat in his sheets
• the question that lies between him and the rent
• the cool girlfriend

Normal people do it every day and I am not so very fucked up, I'm just afraid that I might be; fulfillment, meet prophesy. Just be easy Killer! and don't use the un-L word, unless you haven't had your daily fix of rolled eyes and sighs.

And I'm not so very conventional, I just want a husband, kids, a place to call my own and all that jazz; pot, meet kettle. And be even easier, Killer! and don't forget that you are still too smart to remember how it really felt to:

1.) be vowed to on account of duty
2.) be accused of ruining another person's life
3.) to love the quintessential put-upon

Its just that I do know how it feels to do things out of an ironic homage to an over-developed sense of responsibility instead of out of an actual desire and I am so fucking tired of dealing and being dealt:

a.) the disingenuous
b.) the constructive
c.) the fraudulent

And I'm not sure what it is, exactly, that I do want, just like I don't know what it even means to be "subjectively ready", but I know that I do not want:

I. to be the spitting analogue of happy
II. a Diophantine approximation of truth
III. a Hegelian synthesis of a life

I am sick of the paradox and of the fatality of a fall from vulnerable heights. If I wanted slack, I'd buy a rope and if I wanted complicity, I'd buy a politician. Now don't go pointing the fingers that you have left -- I know I am severe but that is because my exacting and my unapologetic are my nature. It is part of why you love me and, honest injun, it is how I really am.

I do not want the virtual equivalent of love.