A Supple a Day Keeps the Hyperbole Away

What is this, and its unapologetic snake oil propogandas, tempting as to touch a pikeyporn (porcupine, in cuter speak), as revolting as Nicole Kidman's embarrassing pratfall into SyFy, what's the deal 'More-uh-kuh?  Oh shit, is this $olyent Green?  No, just a delicious drink that will eliminate all pain, all immobility, all badness in this world, will this illuminati-powerful panacea get rid of that crazy creepy ass motherfuckin' Facebook?  I admit I'm not sure which is worse.  But somehow, I'm totally ready to order 100 cases (which is, coincidentally, a low low price).

Ready to get supple?  Def con 5!!!  I see sore dick in your future.  And I'll see you again very soon.

The preceding informational program was sponsored by snake oil llc, which is wholly responsible for the opinions or views expressed therein.

I say goodnight on dog the bounty hunter, or whatever the fuck duck dynasty merch available at Walmart, including little girls nightgowns, this show is.  Sorry, and not to be a crazy creepy ass, just a harsh observer and hostile judge.  But then we talk and you get vehement and then sweet and then bashful and some indignant and then some quiet loss of social confidence, followed by a growing boredom, and finishing on fucking sexy.  You can't deny the source of my motivation to be put/stitched back together, the...I know you know the feeling. Nothing can stop the pivotrim.  I love you, Criminal.

Liberal ha Social ha Media ha

I just thought I was going to say everything I was going to say with that last post.

But here's a story about the girl who never stops bitching, in binges, but they're purges?  I bet the paleo peeps didn't keep eating disorder types around for veeerrry looooo-ong.  Anyway, this is not a story about DNA spit handshakes nor hernias of the brain (eating disorders) but about a boy, who didn't live alone in the city, and who didn't own a gun, and who never slept again, 'cept for when his broken orthopathic histology demanded it, with a gun to his head, "if you ever want to see your legs walk this earth another day..." dot dot dot.  This city is killing us, not like frac country is safer, nor the remote parts any less suffering from dire weather, so what's the point?  Where do we have to go?  Mars?  Was it some white teenager or your reflection I saw, look up at me, for a split second, with a face that said, "I've been caught" or, equally possibly, a face that believed it was alone?

That wasn't rhetorical and neither is my upper back, it's real, motherfucker, real tired of that fucking memory foam mattress?  And I just can't wait for the fucking moment when we find out that memory foam is just a far-fetched NSA spying device.  We'll have to sign in just to hop into bed before it's all over.  Thanks, Edward Snowden.

And they say that apocalypse is coming or it will come or it is about to come and they are prepared for it to come and I say, what about has already come or came a long time ago, you foolish fools, horse, I'd like to introduce you to the barn door, hey wait! (turning around both ways real fast) wheredhego?  Look around, Fire Island! I like how I cutely believed that you actually had a choice in the matter, that someone could've stood up, but didn't, like y'all weren't all bent over a big fucking barrell, like that shit wasn't going to happen, even if the entirety of Brazosport County was against it and it got protested about somewhere by some people.  Go fuck yourself, Jaded N. Tired! Instead of worrying about what world-destroyers own your air, why don't you go think about the (ahem) impending apocalypse, k?

Living in the subjunctive is a dangerous preposition and eventually our only code will be the plausible deniability that lives in our code of grammar.  Ask PM if it cares about what could've been or what might have happened.  It will say, for sure, that it does, since it is technically a person which means it can technically have emotions and an intelligence, which technically means it is a citizen of the Untied States, which means it def has the right to vote and to the basic constitutional freedoms, just like fetuses do and first-time offenders don't.  Zero tolerance?  Oh, that seems like a good place to begin, the origin always is, ask any wayward mathematician (if it is positive or negative or neither, and then get ready to gouge your eyes out with boredom.)

So, what were you asking me about again?  You get me so distracted, TMZ!  It's like choosing between a donut and a bagel, between TMZ and CSM; one is pure, unapologetic badness and the other is probably still bad for you but def less bad than the other.

I don't have to be drunk to write like this, just satisfied and leisurely.  I'm sure everyone here is envious.

I'm sure everyone who's read this far gets my sarcasm or ironic fatalism, look honey! I just made up a new movie genre!  So, I don't need to explain my automatonica (wait, is that a band name?)  Who can keep up?  I barely know any culture any more and I feel like I should be embarrassed about that but fuck, I have only this small little brain, I can't fit too much bullshit type stuff in there, I haven't the real estate!  I wish I could be just like you, Illuminati, but I'm just too antisocial, I guess.

I want to write a book about the anonymous hacker group, and it would be totally flattering, but I'm still scared they'd fuck my shit up.  That's right.  I'm afraid of anonymous, but I'm more afraid of gun nuts and god nuts and all other kind of nuts, except the real kind, 'cause that seems the most sincere form, I suppose.  I know that's real teenageryish of me, but what kind of a person would I be without a little ennui and a lot of anxiety?  You know you knew I was crazy before I begged you to marry me.

She asked me if I've seen any good movies lately.  Ha!  I've heard about people watching good movies lately, that there are some films that some people still enjoy, and even first hand accounts from people I trust, so I'm sure there must be some validity to the claim, but no, I haven't seen any.  Can I ever not be so wordy?  I know it is really tedious.  Words come out of my mouth slower than they do my fingers, probably 'cause my thoughts don't have to pass through my carbon filter that direction.

I've lost intellectual curiosity.  Cengage beat it out of me.  It is a fault thing.  I am still vaguely upset, I just have a hard time remembering what it was about.  The world can crush us both for all I care, I'd gladly drown to death with you in the ocean of split molecules, the only thing that can break our bond, taking jagged last breaths and clinging together before floating away in a ringwoodite sea, she's once, twice, three times the ocean.  Doesn't take a Darwin to know we come from the water.  At least us two anyway.

Now I kiss your reading, smiling face and go oil myself up, warm and wait.

Liberal ha Social ha Media ha Ha HA!

I just thought I was going to say everything that I was going to say through this representation:

And then, I was forced to join Google+ if I wanted to continue to write on blogger.  I answered the questions as follows:

First name: Jaded
Last name: Tired
Other e-mail addresses: none
Backup phone number for us to send a text to if your account gets hacked or you forget your password or we needs to sell your stuff for fun and profit or: none
Gender: other or prefer not to say
Birthday: 01/01/1920
People You Might Know: none
Celebrities You Might Want To Follow: none

You didn't add many people.  Are you sure you don't want to go back and add some? yes
Okay, here's your new dashboard, Jaded.
Oh, you want to blog?  Oh okay, so you'll need to go to the blogger site for that k thx baiiii
Oh, hi, so you want to make a new blog post, k, so anyway, compose, change yr title? Liberal Ha Social Ha Media Ha
... ohhhhkaaaay
Oh, and now you want to upload a pic?  Please log-in to one of the following accounts, picassa, snapchat, insta, kim kardashian, or?  none
Okay, you can just upload from your cell phone, that's fine, maybe even better even, and that number is?  none
Oh.  From your pc?  You just want to upload a file from your pc?  Fine.  Here ya go, motherfucker.  (Freezes for 6 min and I has to kill the browser.)  There was a problem saving your post so so sorry error #32348237490362r54832769 dismiss? yes


Oh, hi, welcome back, Jaded.  You want to give this another shot?

Yeah, G+, I do want another shot, and I make my title messier, 'cause I ain't afraid of no ghosts (in the machine.)  Except for when I am, but that's all psychology, the original pseudoscience, looking down its nose at sociology.  I tried to find a doctor, at a certain clinic, so I reviewed my insurance policy (ha triple ha ha) online, to see if this bastion of orthopedic knowledge would accept my flimsy plastic card and personal triplicate signatures of good faith, and they wanted to know maybe was I searching for an orthopedic specialist because there was maybe a possibility that I maybe needing some kind of back procedure maybe?  I guess 'cause that's 'spensive and 'cause analytics says it pays, to do the analytics early and mitigate the risk, 'cause that's what we do, baby.  I said, no, no, not back surgery, damn! be easy, blue cross killah!  I's just taking one for the gimper, and I thought who the fuck wants to know about, talk about, or think about TV dads?  Except for those who had nothing but, but still ... don't we grow out of that after awhile?

'Cause I got peeps to talk down, and careers not to decide on, and vices to throw down on, and they don't say that anymore, do they?  They say turnt up upon?  Y/N/M/IDK, can you repeat the question but first can you plz sign in w/ yr facebook account?  Think just how fucking nefarious the name of that company sounds.  Like some kind of futuristic distopian more-Philip K. Dickian-than-Orweillian special, like "...and they were all listed in The Face Book.  Everyone was accounted for, except for those hiding in the darkness of the underground cities.  They were called 'the faceless,' in the way that we describe people on the street as 'homeless.' It was a dark and stormy night,"

I'm definitely going to take another shot and celebrate my thinly veiled attempts to maintain my privacy and then I'll retreat from the accounts, and the logins, and the screeeeeeeens, and the wires, and the hum, and I'll celebrate my husband's fatherhood with "ohh, daddy!" and then I will def. have a nap.

Bo Buggeritdahl ... id k or c if he had it coming or not, but I will say that two years in a 6x6 cell and never seeing a human face in that time and being yourself a human and forgetting how to fucking speak your native tongue, that is what it means to be faceless, as far as I'm concerned.  'Cause images disappear so quickly from my memory, like ghostships on approach, and all I got was this lousy metaphor or other words, guess they're easier to compress than jpgs.  So, I tried to memorize some pretty clouds today but my vision is not too good for too long, guess that part of my brain atrophied, and my oldest and best memories are tactile:

itchy

icky

sour

burn

scrape

pinch

soft

wet

soaking

sticky

swollen

tingly

warm

Oh, C. Clinton, go suck a dick.  And everyone at the Huff P.  And everyone else.